Finally done my paper!
On Friday night I got an email from my supervisor saying that my paper was certainly ready for submission. This is a big relief to me as it is something that has been hanging over my head for a while. At the same time, I am somewhat embarrassed that it has taken me this long; when I arrived in Ottawa I was pretty much already done. With that gone, I need to find something else to which to devote my energies, preferably something intellectual.
Work is improving. Last week, two people left for vacation giving me more things to do. I am still not sure how to handle all the files on my desk, but that beats the alternative of having nothing on my desk. Next week will be my first week with the new boss. He seems like a good guy who really knows his stuff. I am a bit sad that my old boss is leaving because she was fun and would let me practice my French with her, but I am probably better off with the new guy.
On the social front, I am still spending a lot of time with the UBC folks. This is nice because they are old friends and I don't need to put in more energy getting to know them. Unfortunately, this is balanced by a near collapse of the AETP social circuit. The weekly meet-ups seem to be all but over. It has been a while since we have had a "regular" 5 a 7. Maybe next week. Lunches have been a bit better and there is a group of us to lunch together a few times a week.
Weekends for me seem to be about reading and walking. As these are two of my favorite activities, this kind of weekend gives me great pleasure. Spending Saturday morning in bed reading the Financial Times, the Economist or Le Monde Diplomatique until I get too hungry to stay in bed any longer is my idea of a great start to the weekend. If this can be followed by a long walk in the afternoon, it is surely a good day. I am bothered a bit by the solitary nature of the routine, especially if I am walking alone, but I suppose that this is life in a new city. What worries me is that maybe I am wasting my weekend time. In the weeks that I have been in Ottawa I have not once left the city, not once played any sports, not once gone dancing, and rarely done anything exciting. For the sake of my long term sanity, I should probably try to diversify my activities.
Sometimes the pace of Ottawa leaves a bit to be desired. Maybe it is because I am young, but I think I would be happier with some big, urgent, and all encompassing projects at work to the regular slog of 9-5. At the very least, I would like to try it to know whether it does indeed suit me. To continue my venting, it might be nice if I put some of the things I have learned in school to use. Why do they seek out those with Master's degrees in economics if they have no use for actual economists? Why did I put so much effort into learning Chinese if it is no more than a parlor trick that I can use to superficially impress people? Why must I spend time in my cubicle waiting for work to come to me? I hope these issues are not as bad at my next placement. Maybe I am just impatient...
Since I started working, the days and weeks have started to blur together. One good thing about being in school is that you have an acute feeling of the passage of time. There are due dates and exams and school breaks. Big dates stick in your mind and you are constantly calculating the time until they arrive. Even relatively mundane days have more meaning because of their proximity.
In student life, every day is given more meaning still by the choices made. If I chose to go to class so I will make the most of it. If I chose to sleep in so I will enjoy it while I can and then make up for it later. As long as I am on top of things and know what I am doing, both of these are valid choices for my day. Working is much more mechanical. I wake up, get ready for my day, walk to work, do my work and then go home. The existence of the heavy external structure narrows my choices and reduces me from being a person to being a worker. As a worker, I am stripped of my agency, I merely fulfill the role expected of me.
The friendly but cold nature of the bureaucracy gives me the cold comfort of knowing that those around me wish me well in general terms, but do not care much either way about me. As part of my acculturation to the bureaucracy, I am beginning to feel the same way towards my colleagues.
The focus on 'work life balance' presents work and life as a dichotomy, a trade-off between mutually exclusive claims on my time and effort. In such a context, why should anyone do anything other than maximize 'life' subject to satisfying a minimum 'work' constraint? Wouldn't work be better if it could be appreciated as the big part of life that it is? Why don't we look at work as something that gives a sense of mission, a set of goals, a place in the greater scheme of the organisation an society a opposed to a sacrifice of time that we reluctantly impose upon our lives for the sake of the other 128 hours in the week? Would this not be healthier than all this empty talk of a 'work life balance'?
Of course, in the final analysis, this job is still much better than any other job I have ever had. I suppose much of my frustration has to do with not having proper expectations going in and not having a clear sense of purpose now that I am there.
On Friday night I got an email from my supervisor saying that my paper was certainly ready for submission. This is a big relief to me as it is something that has been hanging over my head for a while. At the same time, I am somewhat embarrassed that it has taken me this long; when I arrived in Ottawa I was pretty much already done. With that gone, I need to find something else to which to devote my energies, preferably something intellectual.
Work is improving. Last week, two people left for vacation giving me more things to do. I am still not sure how to handle all the files on my desk, but that beats the alternative of having nothing on my desk. Next week will be my first week with the new boss. He seems like a good guy who really knows his stuff. I am a bit sad that my old boss is leaving because she was fun and would let me practice my French with her, but I am probably better off with the new guy.
On the social front, I am still spending a lot of time with the UBC folks. This is nice because they are old friends and I don't need to put in more energy getting to know them. Unfortunately, this is balanced by a near collapse of the AETP social circuit. The weekly meet-ups seem to be all but over. It has been a while since we have had a "regular" 5 a 7. Maybe next week. Lunches have been a bit better and there is a group of us to lunch together a few times a week.
Weekends for me seem to be about reading and walking. As these are two of my favorite activities, this kind of weekend gives me great pleasure. Spending Saturday morning in bed reading the Financial Times, the Economist or Le Monde Diplomatique until I get too hungry to stay in bed any longer is my idea of a great start to the weekend. If this can be followed by a long walk in the afternoon, it is surely a good day. I am bothered a bit by the solitary nature of the routine, especially if I am walking alone, but I suppose that this is life in a new city. What worries me is that maybe I am wasting my weekend time. In the weeks that I have been in Ottawa I have not once left the city, not once played any sports, not once gone dancing, and rarely done anything exciting. For the sake of my long term sanity, I should probably try to diversify my activities.
Sometimes the pace of Ottawa leaves a bit to be desired. Maybe it is because I am young, but I think I would be happier with some big, urgent, and all encompassing projects at work to the regular slog of 9-5. At the very least, I would like to try it to know whether it does indeed suit me. To continue my venting, it might be nice if I put some of the things I have learned in school to use. Why do they seek out those with Master's degrees in economics if they have no use for actual economists? Why did I put so much effort into learning Chinese if it is no more than a parlor trick that I can use to superficially impress people? Why must I spend time in my cubicle waiting for work to come to me? I hope these issues are not as bad at my next placement. Maybe I am just impatient...
Since I started working, the days and weeks have started to blur together. One good thing about being in school is that you have an acute feeling of the passage of time. There are due dates and exams and school breaks. Big dates stick in your mind and you are constantly calculating the time until they arrive. Even relatively mundane days have more meaning because of their proximity.
In student life, every day is given more meaning still by the choices made. If I chose to go to class so I will make the most of it. If I chose to sleep in so I will enjoy it while I can and then make up for it later. As long as I am on top of things and know what I am doing, both of these are valid choices for my day. Working is much more mechanical. I wake up, get ready for my day, walk to work, do my work and then go home. The existence of the heavy external structure narrows my choices and reduces me from being a person to being a worker. As a worker, I am stripped of my agency, I merely fulfill the role expected of me.
The friendly but cold nature of the bureaucracy gives me the cold comfort of knowing that those around me wish me well in general terms, but do not care much either way about me. As part of my acculturation to the bureaucracy, I am beginning to feel the same way towards my colleagues.
The focus on 'work life balance' presents work and life as a dichotomy, a trade-off between mutually exclusive claims on my time and effort. In such a context, why should anyone do anything other than maximize 'life' subject to satisfying a minimum 'work' constraint? Wouldn't work be better if it could be appreciated as the big part of life that it is? Why don't we look at work as something that gives a sense of mission, a set of goals, a place in the greater scheme of the organisation an society a opposed to a sacrifice of time that we reluctantly impose upon our lives for the sake of the other 128 hours in the week? Would this not be healthier than all this empty talk of a 'work life balance'?
Of course, in the final analysis, this job is still much better than any other job I have ever had. I suppose much of my frustration has to do with not having proper expectations going in and not having a clear sense of purpose now that I am there.
