Continualy struck by the greyness of it all...
The air, the roads, the buildings, the hutongs, people's clothes and faces... it is all just different shades of grey. What I would give for one Vancouver sunset from my window...
The sky turns orange and purple over the flickering lights of Kits and the black shiluette of Vancouver Island. Or a walk around Coal Harbour. The blue water reflecting the blue sky with the green of the forested mountains beconing me from the other side... Perhaps there is still some snow on the mountain tops...
I can not live like this forever.
I am starting to see cracks form in my relationship with Rae. With Rae's return to Vancouver fast approaching, it is not something that either of us can avoid thinking about. At the same time, I can see that she does not enjoy spending time with me and other English speakers, like my roommate. She did not seem to enjoy the meal we had with Vincent's French friends, even though we spent the vast majority of the night speaking English. This is a problem for me because I am a social person and as such I like to go out, to talk to people, to see friends, etc... As much as I love Rae and enjoy her company, I can not let her have me all to herself.
I know less now about what to do than I did one, three or six months ago. With each passing day, we both grow more attached but the inevitable also grows closer. If we stay together, what is the use? So see eachother again in one year, when I will have to go away again? But, if we do break up... I don't even want to think about that... is there some other way? The only thing I know I can do is try to get as much out of our life together now while we are together.
I find myself fearing Chinese power. I fear a war. I have a hard time talking to Chinese people because they all have the same narrow nationalist ideas. This makes it much more difficult for me to want to study the language or learn anything more about the culture, let alone make friends. I don't want to hear that "China has a long history" again from people who are completely ignorant of the history of other parts of the world. I don't want to hear anyone else say that they love their country without ever having seen anything else. Maybe people here should see the countries they hate like Japan and America before saying anything bad about them. I think I liked this country more before I spoke the language... Communism and nationalism are truly terrifying things.
Marc
The air, the roads, the buildings, the hutongs, people's clothes and faces... it is all just different shades of grey. What I would give for one Vancouver sunset from my window...
The sky turns orange and purple over the flickering lights of Kits and the black shiluette of Vancouver Island. Or a walk around Coal Harbour. The blue water reflecting the blue sky with the green of the forested mountains beconing me from the other side... Perhaps there is still some snow on the mountain tops...
I can not live like this forever.
I am starting to see cracks form in my relationship with Rae. With Rae's return to Vancouver fast approaching, it is not something that either of us can avoid thinking about. At the same time, I can see that she does not enjoy spending time with me and other English speakers, like my roommate. She did not seem to enjoy the meal we had with Vincent's French friends, even though we spent the vast majority of the night speaking English. This is a problem for me because I am a social person and as such I like to go out, to talk to people, to see friends, etc... As much as I love Rae and enjoy her company, I can not let her have me all to herself.
I know less now about what to do than I did one, three or six months ago. With each passing day, we both grow more attached but the inevitable also grows closer. If we stay together, what is the use? So see eachother again in one year, when I will have to go away again? But, if we do break up... I don't even want to think about that... is there some other way? The only thing I know I can do is try to get as much out of our life together now while we are together.
I find myself fearing Chinese power. I fear a war. I have a hard time talking to Chinese people because they all have the same narrow nationalist ideas. This makes it much more difficult for me to want to study the language or learn anything more about the culture, let alone make friends. I don't want to hear that "China has a long history" again from people who are completely ignorant of the history of other parts of the world. I don't want to hear anyone else say that they love their country without ever having seen anything else. Maybe people here should see the countries they hate like Japan and America before saying anything bad about them. I think I liked this country more before I spoke the language... Communism and nationalism are truly terrifying things.
Marc
1 Comments:
The best breakup I ever had was predicated by the certain knowledge that the other partner was moving far away and that maintaining a relationship across such a distance in space and time was not possible. While there was definitely some difficulty at the time, we have ended up on excellent terms - something I dearly wish were true of my situations vis a vis other ex-girlfriends.
Post a Comment
<< Home